A man will never tell you this..
But the truth is.. not being able to provide for yourself and yourself is the spiritual equivalent to death for us. The amount of mental energy it takes to not tap out.. is immeasurable.
Add to that – the violation of embedded principles, values, character & integrity – you’ve got yourself a nuclear weapon floating around your brain with a hair-trigger self-destruct button.
Every day I work on my character and integrity. But it took the biggest hit – when I broke my word to the kids.
I had something planned with them, but I didn’t have the resources to keep my word. This means nothing because – there aren’t any good reasons or excuses for a man to disappoint his children, and I take full responsibility for it. I had faith support was coming from someone I trust – but it has not materialized yet.
Everything will happen in its own time and it is irresponsible and illogical for me to expect anything from anyone – other than myself. I accept full responsibility for the mistake and its consequences.
The cost of a Father’s misjudgment – can’t be fixed with money, and it is destructive to both the Father and the Child.
Add to that – the nuances of homelessness. Mistakes and False hope – kill in the jungle.
You’d be surprised by the crazy things you’d say to yourself – when hope begins to drift.. But I will never adapt to not being the provider – I’ve always been.
Every day, the narrative changes.
The battle between – what’s important vs what’s urgent
Let’s just hope tomorrow comes.